I gave myself a final solution.

I feel like I am back in the fold, back in some place where I truly belong, after months of ousting from certain persons who will always remain unnamed, and yes, I feel pretty different now. Full of love; love and cheer, we will leave it at. No sighting of any single person has made me feel that way, but more a sort of everybody grouping together, and making certain times totally worth living through. Last night taught me something – never to assume, not even the slightest thing. I learned a valuable lesson involving a pair of females; in how I assumed the first was the friend and the second, the enemy, where it really turned out that the first was more than definately the enemy and the second was, prospectively, the friend.

There is a female that worries me. Not in an intimidating kind of way (apart from she makes me a little nervous, but we’ll get to that eventually) but in the way that I am worried for her own self; her ways, her calculations, the way she treats people sometimes, the way she always has to have (and seems to get) her own way. I fear it is self-destruction. I do not want my friends to be on the receiving end of any of that, yet neither do I want her to be punished for the way she is. I have learned in the past year or so that I am really soft – almost completely forgiving – of people that have messed me about; I may not particularly like someone but I feel that hate is a strong word, I do not think people deserve the rough deal more often that not. I hope she learns soon enough, that doing what she does is going to lose her more respect than she can gain.

However, I will never trust her again, neither will I trust as easily as I have done before, all because of her. I trusted her with a lot of my thoughts and feelings, very dearly, and now I see that it was a very silly thing to do that. They could have been input anywhere, to anybody. Lastly, to top it off, just as I was beginning to see how really good a friend I had in her, she went and got me in trouble for something she did – something I had next to no part in whatsoever. I got the blame for something she did not have the decency to admit she did. Enter another person – her boyfriend, who is also my friend, and a big link within the group of friends that I am so dearly devoted – to calling me f-words and c-words and any bad words that you could think of.

Nice guys really do finish last. It’s just a little thing I picked up on the learning curve of life.